Say WHAT? I’d been bamboozled! Hoodwinked!Six years deep into a marriage and an AA neophyte, my EX decided that “married life is not for him”. After I uprooted my life in NYC to move to (in my opinion) the culturally vapid city of Los Angeles to support his career. I mean, it made sense at the time. Yes, we were both performers in the entertainment industry. But I also had the transient skills of Certified Pilates Instructor and Licensed Massage Therapist. Easier for me to set up shop in a new city than for him to try and re-establish his career in NYC. Besides, major life change seemed adventurous and fun at the time. I was in LOVE!
And by the way, what did he mean that married life wasn't for him? After I, the ever-compassionate wife, insisted that my depressed mother-in-law move from Massachusetts to live with us in our brand new home during our mere second year of marriage? I knew nothing would make her happier than being near her only child. My mistake. What we expected to be a few months of her "getting on her feet" turned into a full year! Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother-in-law and her homemade chicken pot pie, but still...
Anyway, so then my EX tells me that he doesn’t want to feel "emotionally accountable" to anyone... that he’s a "free spirit"... that he "doesn’t wanna be limited to one relationship but would thrive best in a series of relationships".Oh, but this isn’t about sex. Oh no, he’s not interested in leaving me just to bang a bunch of bitches. No, he felt like he needed to “find himself” and he could only “find himself” by himself. He needed to figure out who he is, what makes him happy and what he wants out of life.
Hmmm...I always thought that was a journey we would take together. Self-realization has always been important to me and I felt that our marriage would take us that much closer to evolving into our higher selves. He was my perfect balance and my mirror. I aspired to cultivate certain qualities he possessed like his ability to be present, to live in the moment, to experience pleasure and fun without guilt. I loved his uninhibited nature, his ability to express emotions freely and his confidence as a performer. What did he like about me? My discipline, my goal-oriented nature, my insatiable curiosity about everything and my desire to learn as much as I can. He liked my ability to take initiative, create ideas, set them in motion and actualize them. As much as we were opposites, we had similar spirits too. We based our relationship on being open and honest about everything. We treasured loyalty, respect and trust. We valued family. We shared an intense passion for performing, our love of the arts and we both thrived on physical, creative and artistic challenge. We loved performing together, and those were probably some of the happiest moments during our marriage. Maybe we could’ve sustained our relationship if we had played it out on stage with a 15-piece band and a live audience. When you’re a performer, everything seems easier and more worthwhile when you know it might end in a round of applause or, dare I say, a standing ovation.