Drunk with insomnia and perhaps better judgment, I took the plunge and dove headfirst into the 21st century trend of on-line dating. For someone who hasn't even been on a date in ten years, this was a completely new and bizarre approach to flirting, dating and perhaps finding a love connection. My first instinct was to set up radically different on-line dating profiles on various sites; each representing just a part of my multi-faceted Gemini personality. That way, I could see which side of Keex is the man magnet based on the number of winks, drinks and quiver matches I get. On one site I could be my new-agey, Chakra-balancing, organic-eating bohemian Keex in search of same for afternoons of yoga, evenings of social documentaries and gluten-free snacks followed by hours of tantric sex. Another profile could be the Keex that loves thought-provoking banter, Scrabble, foreign language classes, books, well-written psychological thrillers, full-bodied red and missionary-style bedroom sex. And on yet another site I could the freak-flag flying, sexually liberated, tie-me up and spank my booty after I pole dance for you Keex that's drawn to anything underground, dark or subversive. Oh decisions, decisions. But since I'm teetering on the edge of 42, I figured I'd only be screwing myself by playing games. I knew that if I ever wanted a real relationship again or to avoid dying alone, I'd have to embrace all sides of myself while being clear and decisive about my wants, needs and relationship deal-breakers. This was a lot to figure out at 3am when insomnia-induced boredom led to on-line voyeurism followed by an impulsive "Fuck it, might as well." But what did I want and expect out of this lengthy process of creating an on-line dating profile which felt as narcissistic as it did self-reflective?
Was I looking for casual sex, short-term dating or a long-term future with someone? Do I care whether or not he's divorced like me? And if so, does it matter or is it even my business to know the reason behind his broken promise to love and to cherish for better or for worse, richer or poorer, til death do us part? And what about kids? Do I even want 'em? Would I date someone that had 'em? Artsy-fartsy, blue collar, white collar... does it matter? And what about religion, politics, education, goals and hobbies? Or age and appearance? Could I date a smoker, drinker, drug user? OMG, it felt like an overwhelming weird science experiment. But I was determined to dig deep into my soul and input the most accurate data in order to produce the most perfect match. If mere technology had the power to eliminate the riff-raff, I wanted to take full advantage!
But even more challenging than conjuring up my ideal match was creating my own on-line dating profile. How was I supposed to create an honest portrayal of my multi-layered self without sounding self-indulged, corny or desperate? First step: the perfect profile pic and user-name. After peeking around dating sites for awhile, I had a distinctly visceral response to the type of repulsive self-promotion I wanted to steer clear of. A.) Photos cropped to reveal a dude's supposed 6-pack abs or hide the hoochie (minus the arm wrapped around his neck) or B.) Pics posted just to prove he's the life of the party, with a drink in one hand and rock & roll fingers with the other... major turn-offs! And, of course, those are the same guys with user-names like "passion8luvr", "man4u" or "NYstud". Gross. Just gross. I chose a recent full-body shot wearing a dress and heels that tastefully show off my figure, two candid close-ups and a username that makes no boastful claims or promises about how good I might be in bed.
So here's my first ever attempt at seeking a love, a hot date or at least a free meal via on-line self-promotion:
Self-summary: I like to believe that I'm constantly evolving into a better version of myself. I'm a professional dancer, aerial artist, writer, licensed massage therapist, certified Pilates instructor, entrepreneur, loquacious & inquisitive Gemini, people-lover and mom to the best dog ever! I love discovering new experiences, hobbies and adventures and thrive on anything that challenges me mentally, physically & artistically. MY FAVORITE QUOTE: Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
What I'm doing with my life: I am grateful to be following my passions as both a performance artist and writer.
What I'm good at: I'm good at dancing, performing, writing, massage therapy, Pilates, teaching, speaking Spanish, engaging in conversation and daydreaming.
1st thing people usually notice about me: Hmmm... I guess my smile.
Favorite books, movies, music, food: BOOKS: anything Coelho. Just read "Anatomy of the Spirit" (again) by Carolyn Myss. Just purchased "Book of Awakening" by Mark Nepo. MOVIES: The Help (most recent), Good Will Hunting, Fight Club, Matrix, X-Men, Blade. (this movie buff is drawing a total blank right now) TV: Lost, The Good Wife, Law & Order: SVU, Weeds, Entourage, Mad Men. Guilty Pleasures? Dare I admit that I got hooked on One Tree Hill, Real Housewives and Mob Wives? MUSIC: Neo-Soul, Old-School Hip-Hop and R&B, Rock, Electronica, Pop, some Classical FOOD: Organic/free-range carnivore. Yuck to seafood. No to refined sugar. Gluten-free. Thank god I live in NYC where dining options are abundant!
6 things I couldn't live without: 1.) My dog 2.) creative self-expression 3.) my "sister-friends" 4.) travel 5.) massage & Pilates 6.) coffee
I spend a lot of time thinking about: how to develop and challenge myself artistically and intellectually. I also love the practice of visualization.
On a typical Fri night I'm usually: performing, followed by deep stretching at the theater and cuddling with my dog at home while watching Netflix.
The most private thing I'm willing to admit: I'm a super-hero with powers of flight and teleporting.
I'm looking for:
- Guys who like girls
- Ages 38-45
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, activity partners
You should message me if: you're artsy (or appreciate the arts), intelligent and fun...happy, confident, successful (however you may define it)...have a great sense of humor, are adventurous and actively pursuing your dreams.
So, have I been on a date yet? Nope. But the daily e-mails from boys plus "quiver matches" and profile peeks certainly do a little sumthin'-sumthin' for this girl's ego. Even OkCupid thinks I'm a catch 'cause they sent me this e-mail saying, "We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid. We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver." I'm gonna choose to believe OkCupid and remain hopeful that after sifting through the riff-raff, this recent divorcee will successfully return to the dating world after 10 years.