I'm a sucker for suspense. Just not when it comes to my love life. And there's nothing more imperative or appealing to me right now than retiring my sex toys for awhile and reveling in an actual love life with something animate. But just my luck, I've been suspended in limbo for almost two months since meeting this guy on OkCupid. I have no idea how our profiles even crossed paths because I was specifically clear that Cupid hit within New York's five boroughs. And even still, I'm partial to Manhattan and Brooklyn. So, how I ended up connecting with and crushing on a dude 4.5 hours away by bus (I checked) is beyond me!
This guy is literally the only guy I've responded to on OkCupid since joining in February. (Well, except for the married doctor. And that was before I realized he was married.) In fact, this is one of the few guys that didn't repulse me with his cocky, no-game-havin', playa-playa pursuit. I mean, how's a grown-ass woman like me supposed to respond to e-mails like "Let's make love so we can see if we've got chemistry." I mean, really, dude? You think that's a turn-on? Or what about all the spanking requests? Sorry, call me a prude. I'm just not into hooking up with random on-line strangers even if they're hot or spank-able for that matter. This guy was different, though. So much so, that he caught me off guard. He wasn't presumptuous, forward or cocky. In fact, he approached me with "I liked your profile and I think we'd enjoy getting to know each other despite the distance. Please take a look at mine and let me know if there is any interest."
Who knows, maybe I'm the only one that attracts sex-seeking submissives in search of an easy hook-up. And maybe this guy uses the same MO with all the chicks he meets on-line. And maybe he chooses long-distance connections for a reason. Nevertheless his approach wasthebest approach for this dating neophyte. So I peeped his profile. Uh, hollaaaaa! These were my first impressions: 1.) Tall, dark and handsome, grown-ass man (Four years older than me. Bonus!) 2.) Well-educated, well-traveled, intelligent, bi-lingual business professional 3.) Spiritual vs. religious 4.) Appreciator of the arts with lots of similar tastes in books, music, tv and film 5.) Loves exercise, dancing, creative expression and spicy ethnic cuisine. I couldn't help but wonder if he only lured me by strategically constructing his profile based upon mine. Whatever. The bait worked. Hook, line and sinker baby! After a few e-mail exchanges we traded phone numbers and have been talking, texting and e-mailing ever since. And now that my curiosity and punany were revving at full-throttle, all I wanted to know was: Can on-line chemistry, turned into phone chemistry actually translate into live and in-the-flesh sexual chemistry? Damn, I hope so! And, damn, I hope he looks like his pictures and not some schlub.
Well, I was about to find out! After almost two months of talking, texting and e-mailing he was finally making that 4.5 hour trek to come hang with me in NY for the weekend (staying at a hotel, of course). Ahhh, my heart finally had permission to emerge from its loveless complacency and start beating with possibility. I became the daydreamer again; imagining our first hellos, our first impressions, our first, well... my first potentially non-platonic relationship in years. And yes, my mind went there! I hadn't even met this guy face-to-face and I was already imagining our first hug, our first kiss, our first, well... bangin' him everywhere from the hotel to the back of da club! Fortunately, I'd made a pact with my pussy. She was absolutely and unequivocally off-limits for the weekend! In fact, I didn't even groom her just to make sure she didn't dare make an appearance. Otherwise I might not trust her to hold out for the full 90 days like Steve Harvey suggested. And I wasn't even sure if the first 60 days of our relationship counted since it was limited to talking, texting and e-mailing. So she had to pay her dues and play hard to get. I knew it was for the best since I wanna avoid repeating the same past mistakes of letting chemistry overshadow a dude's character.
Well, it turns out my pussy was in no danger after all. Just my luck (from a purely selfish perspective) a sudden death in his family put the kibosh on our weekend rendezvous (insert lion's roar). There are no words to describe my disappointment nor enough chocolate and red wine to assuage my sadness and frustration. Let's just say, I was forced to endure a never-ending, tortuous weekend of feminine blue balls from an emotional and physical standpoint. And all that pent up energy started to ferment a bit of chaos in my imagination. Maybe this guy wasn't even real after all. Maybe I had developed some type of mysterious dissociative disorder where my subconscious mind created a vivid yet imaginary "boyfriend" as a coping mechanism to deal with extreme loneliness. Maybe all the phone calls, texts and e-mails existed only in a hypothetical realm as a context for me to experience the heart-fluttering pleasure of flirting and getting a little attention from the opposite sex again. My GOD, if this is true, this is like a psychotically twisted, uber-advanced version of making out with my pillow as a horny teen! This goes even way beyond my admittedly delusional love affair with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Damn, I just might be certifiably crazy. And to confirm my crazy, I haven't heard from him since.