Turn-Ons: Francesca Hogi is a master at asking really targeted questions that allowed me to see how my dating habits and behaviors are responsible for my feeling "ready for love" but chronically single.
Turn-Offs: Only that the man of my dreams didn't come with the complimentary 30min session.
Rate My Date:
- Not My Type
- 1 Night Stand
- Happily Ever After
In my twenties, this whole meeting guys, dating, and coupling seemed to happen easily and organically. Was it because I was too young and naive to be picky? Has age and life experience elevated my expectations to impossibly high? Are there simply less available men in the forty to fifty age range? Has on-line dating ruined authentic connections and courtship? Or do I just suck?
Well, according to dating coach, Francesca Hogi, I just suck. Of course she didn't come right out and tell me I suck during our complimentary Love & Dating Discovery Session. But she masterfully asked some really targeted questions that allowed me to deduce that on my own. Within thirty minutes, I realized that my emotional availability is conditional, my expectations are crazy high, and I have totally and completely lost the art of flirting. No wonder I'm stuck in the middle of feeling "ready for love" and chronically single! But, here's the thing: to be totally and completely vulnerable and lower my expectations feels like an emotional death wish. God forbid I pick the wrong dude (again) and have to serve additional time learning yet another painful life lesson. The more I spoke with Francesca, the more I realized that, as much as I want love, to actually receive it feels threatening.
Yeah, so about that whole "emotionally available" thing. I thought I was. But Francesca challenged me on that one. She helped me see that by staying in an uncommitted relationship with Mr. Weird Science for two years was more of a safe choice than vulnerable one. Our relationship didn't carry the emotional responsibility of building a partnership. There were no joint dreams, shared vision of a future together, or mutual life decisions made. Without commitment there were no expectations nor compromise. We were great friends and lovers but we were never a couple. The only real risk was to my ego.
Francesca delivered honesty like an old friend who genuinely cared about the welfare of my heart and the future of my love life. She provided the mirror for me to see myself and my dating habits with the clarity I needed. Yep, enough clarity to create an OkCupid profile and dare to date differently.